avoyde my mothers displeasure, even for my nedle when
I had lost it upon other the like accations I haveing prayed and my \desire/
being
accomplished I rejoysed much at it supossing it to be thy doeing: in these
dayes
feareing my parents I had no other refuge but to flie unto thee, and out of
thy
goodnes towards me
and bearest with my weakenes thou gavest me a feare of thee;
for when
any thing came contrary to mee I thought it to be for some offence or omission
of
sum good duty to thee; out of feare or love being zelus to doe well I affton
repeted
my prayes \at a time/ [al]together with the ten commandements and Belliefe,
saying
the olde Caticissme in the servis Booke: not so well concsidering thy reprufe
of
vaine repetition and much babbeling: for although the Beleife and Comandements
in
themselves be absolutly good; yet for the saying of them at \or/ (as) prayers
saying they were no prayers my mother forbad me
haveing more convenient time to say them, (but I followed my one wayes
thinking them best: when by others I was thought a foole;) I thought of \thy/
blessing in thy law to them
that
the law must not onely be
observed, but preserved. A
not
15 of my
mothe[r]
larne thy commandements and keepe them;
therefore I thought the saying of them accepttable when inded I keept them
not; for I having fancied a primer put it in a place where \it/ cold not be
found. thinking it the les offence if I did afterwards take it; but it was
asked for, and
as I remember I denied the having of it
,
thinking to avoid both the shame and
punishment (but which was worse I was not ashamed before thee whom I ought
most to feare) but I passed not so; for thou \didest/ inlighten my hart to
consid\d/er better of it which when it troubled \my/ mind I to ease my selfe
confest the theft
to my mother with teares. who seeing me sorry for it
did not
much repru\v/e me but rather comfort me; about this time my
sister
had a fever for which cause my brother and I
removed
into the chamber within my granmothers where my
\littel/
cosin Thomas Ards lay. who though he was antoward in
the day
to my granmothers greffe; yet he was very fearefull in
the
night crying out in his sleepe and saying his prayers; and I called upon my
Brother to rore as I did, to scare him;
O my \God/ pardon my faults and let not my unworthyness hinder my prairs
15. Probably from one of her mother's table-books.