to leave because they had taken much hold on me by long custome and sinning especially where selfe conceite had taken place besides those other dayly temtations of eateing and if hearby my affections was or became more dull to thee. I feared* for thou mightest justly hide thy face from mee, for so aggravating a weight upon sinne is a which came \now/ the more upon me be reason of costlier diet. we having more company but I learned [within a while] soberiaty [for the right use] by reading some part of Mr Dike on [Jhon] 2.1 ⁹⁴ relapse. it being upon knowledge. and a profession of a former recovery yet found my selfe the better when I thought of those good resolutions which I had formerly being more ready with willingnes and joyfullnes (with comfort) in thee to embrace the same. .everlasting Judgments and waies to me *for I remembered thy waies of olde and received comfort \[pslm] 119/ and tho I was many times tempted against thee with the sin of Atheisme which coolled my affections in thy service tho I still followed it for I found my selfe happy in the custome of those good waies which I was loth at any time to violate. for thou still gavest me some hope in thee * yea in the [distractions] of prayer and hearing thy word. I have observed the I did not know certainly. the divells pollicy in this because he temted me under a show of good till about this time I read \in/ the booke of the soules conflict which my Brother gave my sister for she told me I should have her best treasure her bookes subtiltie of Satan how he would thrust in other good motions and meditations upon me unseasonably of purpose to hinder me in present holy businesses. but I found it best to sticke to that thou hast injoyned. and to reduce every thing to the right time and place \Eccle. 3 Luk 11.2/

Now as Salomon made for his delight gardens and orchards. \Eccl 2.5/ so in my worke I made the shadow of these things. and I divers times thought to make my hart rejoyce in the things which I had made. which delighted me so well when I did them. for I had devised such veriaty in little things that I might long looke and still entertaine my eyes with new objects which I did neere to the life. neither had I ever seene the like. yet am I not of that opinion but there may be as good or better handy worke of those which have skill by learning or little compaswhich I had not yet my owne worke many times [at] this time I somtimes found discontent in my selfe [for I saw] as the flower [it] [fades so] beauty vanished [away] therefore I [know] [many times] to avoid prid [and discontent [lest so much] beholding my selfe then [putting] it off with lifting up my mind to trust in thee also I found in the [pro] Daniel that this offence in youth was sin but in age madnes. therefore I thought [it time to leave it] also my Aunt gave me no incouragment to it who spake against my wearing of gay cloths as if they did not become me. I knit me a pare [of] glovs. Also I began a while afore this to put off [em]mulation of others beauty by rejoycing or praising thee my God in thy workes affected me so much that I apprehended to be better then I found it to be when I (againe) looked on it: which caused some discontent in me because it pleased me not againe other whiles looking on it when it happened to please me I thought there was a kind of temtation in it when I looked on it too \much/ (or I found my selfe tempted to displease thee in beholding too much such vanities) Therefore I considered the vanity of these things and thought of this saying Let not that which thou hast made possesse thee lest thou forget him. by whom thy selfe was made and I thought to set my mind upon better especially when these pleased me not. (for I divers times found by the comendations of some Temporall things more* ravish in the expectation than in fruishtion: but things eternall \are/ more in the fruition than expectation. S Austen⁹⁵) yea and I perceived all perfection or whatsoever I counted delight both in my selfe and others passed away. all things are full of labour (man cannot utter it) yet the eye is not satisfied with seeing nor the eare with hearing. all is vanity and vexation of Spirit under the sun. \[Eis].211/ I see all things come to an end but thy commandement is exceeding large. and in respect of it which I hold most deare I hate (those) Now I found that the too much love or abuse of those things was from my own naturall corruption. therefore I desire to embrace that golden meane to esteem /things\ as they are for vaine inventions but thy Law doe I love. \psa 119.113/

Yet thou sufferest me to delight in these things even as Children are with there toyes. that I might be the better stilled or passified whereby time was the lesse tegious to me till I was able to apprehend better: yet to naturall reason as Salomon saith there is nothing better /good\ in things of this life then to /doe good\ rejoyce in ones labour for it is the gifte of God \E 3. 12.13.22/ yet hence wee may learn that wee ought not to rest. or put our trust too much in these things because they cannot satisfie. for they please not our apprehention or fancy as those things which are more proper for it. the fancy '(hence it is)' deleted before 'the fancy'. being (as one termes it) [the soules conflicte] [Swane] call it thus [in his] book of natural philosofy which about this time I read [over] I now read the soules conflict over the first borne of the Soule. (I suppose) it is only seated for thy selfe who framed it. /for it doth\ imagine glorious and great things better then it ever saw. for these worldly thing so they please us one time yet another time they doe not. go tho /wee\* doe in our youth. yet in our age coming to a better judgment we doe not so much esteeme of them. hence it is because we see, they are not really perfict but decieve usas our soules are there being in them being only for this life no stability worth any sound joy. as also wee may perceive our soules prepared for better. seeing there is more sound joy in those things which /only\ lead us to /more\ as I have found in books which the more I have read of especially of late at the second reading or more I have liked the better of true rest.

Now finding the things of this world false shadowie and vaine uncertaine riches. the [true] are to be found no where but in heaven. for these things are not good but in there only temperall things [if we] receive them fro\m/ thee and injoy thee in them as they proceede from thy love and may be imployed to thy glory in this respect only to be loved [pslam?] 5 (lawfull) use. nothing is absolutly good but only thou O Lord God. and all other things as they are of thee. yea there is nothing in the world worth the rememberance but only thy \refreshd/ goodnes to us in them. and as these things passe way. so doe we also. For wee are strangers before thee. and sojourners as all our fathers were our dayes are like the shadow upon the earth. and there is none abiding [chron] 29/ But thy Name O Lord endureth for ever: O Lord thy thy rememberance is from generation to generation. \psa 135.13/ and of thy I thinke of the [latter] part of the [c91] psa beginning at the [15] verse goodnesse there is no end as thy wonderfull workes declare) /therefore\ I will praise thy Name O Lord because it is good \ps 54.6/