Now it was some sorrow to me to thinke that I could not condescend* to my fathers desire. and have my "peace or content owne". for my father having but two whom he intended or thought fitt to marry. many thoughts pleaded within me for him: yet seeing I found my selfe most inclined to this maner of life. the 25 yeare I desired that my Brother might have the greater worldly Blessing Since I have thought of this for the first that was \now/ borne in our house were twins increasing the more for my sake if I did not marry and though somtimes but sildome I had in these yeares pleasings thoughts of Marriage and of and I hoped my father would be the better pacified. for I much desired above any earthly thing he might be content. and not move me to mar[ry]. I had my owne desire of this for I heard he should say he had not the [same] power [to] wish me so much to it as he had at first also he said I should rest till I had more mind giving my father content in it . and my ambytion was to be well mached in it. yet it was above it. for I thought this life might be better for me. I found my selfe more reasonable till I was put to it whether I would marry or not. which troubled me to thinke of especially if I thought to yeeld. and much con-tent I found in standing out. and I since have had* I had reasonings* in me. shall \I/* leave this life wherein \I/* \have/ found so much content. for an unsertainty whether I shall or not in another. and leave to trust so much upon thy providence \which/ as now I doe. or as to think /dout\ thou will not doe for the best for me in this life. But above all to leave this \life/ which I thinke is most pleasing to thee. in that I shall not have the opertunity to doe so much service or thinke so much of thee* in another, yet leane I not so much to my owne consel to say this is best. nether perswade I any. for I suppose perswations worke not much. where I wrot [buillings] this summer. My Brother learneth me some french which I tooke the more delight in because thy word seemed the more fresh to me in another language taking the more heed in it and thereby I might be perfect in it. though I had not so well learned the frinch as to well speak inclination serves not. neither doe I thinke this the best but to those who thinke not so much of worldly pleasure as \or but/ of devine service: and not to those that have theye minds another way. and pretend this. | My father telling me that he was blamed for my not marrying in that they said it was long of him. I told him I would take it upon my selfe. which I did before many. (at this time my fathers care was so of me that he told me I should not be beholding to my Brother. but put a frind in trust for me hereafter. this I desired not though it was out of his love to me. for I had a good confidence in my Brother. neither have I carried my selfe the worse to him for this) Now \also/ my father spake as if he would marry. the rather some said because he would have had me. but I said if he be so minded let him. neither did I thinke it fit or meete \I or/ wee should be at this time a doge died which I loved long time and no other my father was loth I should know it but I hereing it before him smiled thinking how small a crosse it was to the death of [man] any hinderance to him. but I said I was wishing he should have his owne mind as well as my selfe (this my father tooke well at my hand, but not at my Sisters who was afred of it. I suppose the more because of some which talked to her. but I perswaded her to be passified. and to be content with what my father pleased. which wee had no reason to be against if and though some \to me/ spak as if wee should never lead that life as wee had done or the time would not be as it was. yet I praised thee for that time which was past. and it rejoyced me to think that [thou] gavest [grace] to mak good use of it to thy glory. and though some said they thought I would not live long because I made such hast to good. Yet I thought I would take my opertunity hopeing it would be the better with me howsoever neither did I know whether I should do it another time. but esptialy I thought my selfe happy for thine owne [triel] of me. more then if I had worldly pleasure it might be for his good. At this time it pleased thee my God to bestowe upon thy Servant my Brother an understanding wife, and thought he had with her both parentage. person. and riches. yet thou gavest him a vertuous woman. which I was glad to heare of \[for]/ I had not yet seene her whose price was fare above the pearls. \pro. 31 10/

| and Now doth come into my mind the joy my Sister /Judeth\ had divers times in thee especially \now/ when she was to recieve. this being the time which the Church keepes in memory of our Saviours Birth. she having a new booke of Gerards Meditations : sat up in the night to read it. coming to me when she tho-ught I was waken and telling me what great joy she had being filled with devine love. and though some conceived that she had more mind to marry then my selfe. because for the most part she was more affable. and would talke merily. yet she would after be sorry wherein she thought she had over shot her selfe. and would divers tell me (when she was moved with it) that she had no such mind. Therefore for this \we/ were both alike. and yet not alike. one for anothers sake. my S was for the most part well this yeare in this or that next I helped her to work a purs for my father. I began to read in Spenser. and wrot nedlework lace and [bonsti]ch but for thy sake. whereby wee had the more freenesse of conversation in thee. yet somtimes she would tell me she was troublede for me my father being offended with her because he thought she perswaded me not to marry. which was not so. for though the 26 yeare she knew my mind most of any body as she would say I knew hers. yet left wee one anothers mind free in thee. neither was my mind ruled. neither depended I /much\ upon the favour of any but thee* make flesh mine arme but in thee O Lord God have I put trust* and though many after this perswaded me to marry. yet I thought perswations vaine where affection prevalled not let me never be confounded.

in or at this time I yet found look Rev. 3.1. strenghthen the things which remaine. that are ready to die for I have not found thy workes perfect befor God dullnes and a decay as I thought or feared in my soule and when I ex-amined wherein I had bettered my selfe I thought to ad more for it might \be/ for want of increasing my dayly service of thee. but when \there[for]/ I considered I found it might be because I served thee not with that care and purnesse as I thought in that which I did doe having idle and frivolous thoughts. when I was about thy service. also I called to mind that thou delightest not in much