this affliction of my owne and my Sisters together hindered me from thinking much of Marriage. so that I wondered if he should be my husband because I had so few thoughts of him. yet when he was long absent I should with much vehemency thinke of him fearing he was not well. but then I was jelous of my selfe lest I should offend God in my affections. which I thought was too strong for man. therefore I desired of \thee/ my Lord God that I might never have him to offende \[thee]/ (ether in withd\r/awing my love and service from \there/ thee or) in loving him too much. againe I thought how well I should chance to breake off that I might thinke of Marriage no more but that I might with the more freenes serve thee without \those/ or if they should be broken off that I might the better think off not being entangeld againe to that which I thought was prejudiciall to my soule th\r/ough my follishnesse of too much love or affection therefore in this regard I thought (as now I doe) a single life better for my selfe and not out of dislike of Marriage seeing another may be wiser. thoughts of humon /(love\ The time ran on he still coming to me and goeing being more earnest of Marriage so that he would have Married me in lent. but I desired to stay till Ester. On that day which the Church keepes in memorie of our Saviours Passion it brake off. his friends sending to alter those things which formerly they consented to, the bookes being drawne: my father after thought to mend* the breech. and there was apointed a day of meeting but they was farr from agreement. and though he \had/ sent me divers letters which some I answered though not the last because my father thought it was not matteriall that I should. yet a Neigbour of ours which I suppose thought it would be a scandall to that Religion which they profest writ a letter that it might goe forward and that there might be no breach, and if that I was willing, to which I consented: but they would not, which troubled me. neither could I see the Gentellman, man which I had hope of: when I considered this I could not but admire thy just dealing my God. That I should feele that smart of love, which was not to be obtained, which I supposed others feelt for mee and so might wish me to have. and then I saw the vanitie and unconstancy of peoples mindes which when it was in hand upplaused it beyond the reach of wisdome. but when it was off. \the mach/ as much trod it under foot, speaking against it, and then those things came to my eare. which was so hainous that if it had bine after Marriage it might have desolved the knot, therefore (much more now) I thought I might well leave him. yet it troubled me to be unconstant, though I had not bound myselfe to him by promise. but only gave way to my frinds proseedings, and kept him company. whereby he thought himselfe sure of my love. which never altered for I caried my selfe farely towards him, and with that respect which I thought fit for him \alwaies/ which should have bine my husband. Once I thought it might have bine better if I had seemed to have crossed him. more that I might have knowne his disposition more, but since I thought it fell out well enough. his frinds was crosse which I thought was the more triall of his love. which I thought he had the more to answer for, in regard that it was his part to professe or promies and not mine. for I onely fed him with hope. yet my love in truth was so towards him, that