and did som [slit] purs \[worke]/ now and then which /ask\ed no great study but only did it to avoid [weri]nes but the more I was used to this the more somtimes [felt] that especially this now having more wholy possest mee. for many whole dayes I have don nothing but this and now I no longer merveill as I did at my Granmother how she could spend her time wholly in devotion doing nothing else besides. also by this meanes there vanished those vaine proud* thoughts \and/ of selfe consete, and thou replenishest my soule with good thoughts. How deare are thy counsels unto me O God. yea how great in the Sum of them \psl 139,17/ and meditating of thy holy word I find that the fountaine of thy goodnes is ever full and over flowing. and in consideration thereof thou hast made me drunke with the sober drunknesse of thy love. for I have bine somtimes so elevated with it that I found it more then my selfe was able * in this house of griffe a be in health. so that I have bine faint to take my mind off. from* over much thinking of /and keep the bounds of\* it for me thinkes thou shouldest question with me how I have used this body which thou gavest me. yea and I confesse my adversary was ready to puffe me up with my owne well doing. and that evill should not come to me for it but finding evill before me I durst not relie upon the heretofore especially since those many temtations left me [and now] [for now] I felt not so much my owne weaknes \as I did/ or paine in my vaines as the strength of thy word which thou didest still illuminate me to conceive more fully of [to conceive] Daniel saith he was sick [etc] broken reed of my own good deserts. but rather say\ed/ with the Publican God be mercifull to me a sinner. \Luk 18.19/ yea Lord I find more security /upon the love of\ in thy mercy then in /her\ my /S Aus\ owne innocency¹⁰⁴

It pleased thee by this time to heale the sores of thy people and with much joy wee had the mutuall comfort of my Brother and Sister againe: But as in this World which is fitly compared to a sea¹⁰⁵ we are \many times/ lift up to the heaven of prosperity. and cast downe againe* to the depth of adversity. yet Lord thou doest all for the good of thy Children by afliction to admonish us. and prosperity to comfort us. after the space of 4 month we having had the comfort of our also I thought so at other [times] I should have used more recreation [yea] I may [well] think of it for [the] ordering of my diet. [etc] friends. our house was visited with agues or fevers my Brother being first ill. and after he hardly recovered but /one of\ his Children fell ill and some of the Servants. his wife being bigg with child fell very ill and was before her time delivered of a sonne who was presently [or trust to thee but that] [in that time] I somtimes had the company of my [neeses] and [preserved] and [her being] [a fluxe] and other diseases besides the sicknes I praise thee my God I did some good amongst my [Neices] [illeg] when my brother [com]ing \in/ I being very fearfull [I writ] somthing of my fear and found much comfort in it I read [Doctor Dun] ¹⁰⁶ Christened we not expecting life being so soone borne yet to our much merveill it seemed to us likely to live and tooke the brest. it continued about a fortnight and died. being sicke 2 or 3 daies when the Child fell ill my mind checked me. because I thought my self unworthy of that part which I had in him. being not thankfull to thee enough for him. for I somtimes douted of his life tho I saw no cause in the child /him\ but he might have lived: and thou which madest him so strong and perfect to our wonder couldest as well have preserved him. but pardon my unthankfullness and weaknes of faith in thee whereby I was unworthy of him in not esteeming him so much \of/, because he was so long born before the time (which grived me) because I thought if I had beleeved in thee and bine thankfull it might have pleased thee to preserve him. yet I was sorry for this. and besought thee for him and my sister while they yet lived: and that thou wouldest not regard our iniquities nor the iniquities of our forefathers. and though I thought my selfe fortified that human respects should not have so much power over me. as they had for my sister Judeth. the 30 yere. then finding that the strict bond of nature and human sociaty (to be by reason of [to] much affection) prejudiciall to Yet i passed this time with farr the more comfort and confidence in thee [Both as thou] gavest me leave to doe this worke [that] whether [an I lived] or died it should be the better fo me which if I had not a [great] confidence in the [well] doeing of it to please thee I suppose my harte would have failed and I should have bine ill but I had a good hope thou wouldest spare me in health (at lest) to finish this the soule which feedeth thy not deceiving word. yet alasse I still found my owne weaknes for that child which was neare unto me. and passed from the wombe (in a manor the time being so short) to the grave save that it received the Blessed Sacrament of Baptisme which was som comfort to me. but as human nature is the lesse capable of devine considerations so my griefe was the greater because I could not with that alacrity of Spirit doe thee service my God and apprehend those things which are of thee as I should. yet often I p[rai]red thee that thou wouldest not withdraw thy comfort and goodnes from me tho didest outwardly afflicte when thou hidest thy face wee are troubled. now O my God to whom my wants are most knowne. let not any human or worldly respect alliannate my soule from thee. but let is alwaies remane in that temper or state wherein I may be fit to doe thee service. and because my nature is /corruption of\* such that I either over love or disrespect thy gifts. I beseech thee to grant me one true use of them. that I may receive them as from thee with cheerefullness and obediance. that the more many t in these late years I praied to thee to keepe me from [in]fidelity and hardnes of hart and though I thought that the spirite and [seede] of God wast lost and gone yet somtimes againe some faith I had even as the sun break through the clouds thankes may be rendered to thee for them. and that I may submit my selfe thy will when it doth please thee to take them from me. and Lord let me not be possest with that Sorrow. which after may make me more sorry for offending thee. but rather let me have that repentance unto life not to be repented for. which I have most neede of for I have founde that naturall prevalleth more with me then sorrow for my sinnes doth for offending \thee/ my God. which should grive me most all. seeing the child was parted from us. wee yet besought \prayed thee/ for my Sisters life which was deare unto us and farr the more in regard she was when my sister was ill me thought thou put[est it to be me [illeg.] unto] my [illeg.] questioning if I would recieve or take care of her children for thy sake I [found] my selfe willing to obey thy servant . yea Lord I cannot with silence passe over thy good gifts in her and to her. for she being by her parents Religiously breed shewed it to the time of her death. and tho she was young and had as she confessed that content in the world. whereby she had as much cause to desir to live in it /as\ any. yet she willingly resigned her selfe to thy will (my God) to die and to leave husband and Children which she dearly loved. /and to be with [thee]\ and for thy sake also she desired us to receive the Blessed Sacrament with her. and after tho the violence of her fever wrought strongly upon her yet thou grantest her request which she asked of thee whereby [so that sometimes one cause] [of rel] by any sense that I have if any [glimpse] the [clouds] and [illeg.] so hid it from our sight. and also I have found carlessnes to steale upon me in thy service then [I] have called to mind what care I had to doe those works of my [fancy] without which I should never have atained to any perfection in that doing of them but much more I thought I ought to please thee /[illeg]\ [the] cheefest good and most plentifull rewarder of them that love thee. [illeg.] my selfe; in doeing of this [illeg.] she had her sences for the most part. and the triall of her faith brought foorth patience. yea Lord thou madest perfect thine owne worke in her. which she shewed by many Religious Speeches. and tho she had alwaies lead a vertuous life yet she shewed her humble repentance and harty sorrow for her offences and vaine things of this life. and her perserverance in still calling upon thee shewed thou wert her guider unto the death. All honour and praise be given to thee for thy Saints whose death is precious in thy sight. \psa 116.15/