swallowes which could not chuse but be very olde being of my which \I/ suppose then was 40 yeare agoe Great Granmother Ishams making. who was as I have heard very skilful in surgery and did many charitable deeds that way this when I had mentioned to my Aunt Isham who knew what belonged to such things she thought it might have some vertue because it retained the sent. being close stoped some of this I applied and striving to walke more withall It coming foorth in a rednes and after weared away by degrees I began to be somthing eased. at this time a kinsman of his* whom I should formerly have had would have bene a suter to me. my father asked me if I was willing, but I refused and told him =my father said he was sorry for it I wept and said it was thine fore it was my comfort knowing that thou madest me more sure to thee by afflictions I was not well.= for then I could not tell well otherwise to expresse my mind. in this /summer\ another would have bine a suter to me. and I suppose they heard formerly that I desired my Brothers approbations (before I received [he that] was so neere Marriage with me) therefore they sought to him as \a/ meanes to ataine there desired porpose. but he knowing my mind did not desire they should but went beyond sea. Now my father being much sought unto for me in Marrage my Brother and \[illeg]/ Mr Dod which knew him better and other my frinds commended him only so farr forth as they knew moved me with it who flatly refused it and said it was against mee (for I found it not to be agreeable to my naturall inclination being so long before minded to the contrary) therefore I suppose my father thought to put then off. with standing upon those conditions which they \there frindes/ would not yeeld to. and many times pretending to others that he liked not of there estate: (which made many say he was loth to part with his mony. or that also some said that I thought none good enough but \I/ thought some too good for me which were the [fitest] for this and my selfe was the better contented because I liked this state of life he thought none good enough) which I suppose he did \many times/ because he would not have my mind knowen. but that I might take my c\h/oise of a good one if I should so like. yet unlesse I was minded to marry he would not give way that they should come as he said for mee to make fools of but my mind was the same for I did not desire to lead them \any/ in that fooles paradice to make them hope for therefore I thought I did honestly in making my mind knowen not to marry that which I intended not neverthelesse many beleeved it not. and at this time here came one who said he had his fathers consent to what my father demanded. but my \father/ knew not of his coming nor my selfe. who was troubled any should come to me in this kind. and supposed the party knew I desired it not. yet he put himselfe upon the venter to whom I have no incouragement for being since I condemed my selfe for this which was not so well to take so much upon me [or for] much care to put them off [with] my owne dislike for I [should] have trusted in thee that [most?] wise [desposer] of all things careing my selfe ever not giving offence though I [stood] out this I found to be the best [and] the cause that I did not [which?] I [said?] was for want of faith in him vexed I rendered not the aspect nor kept him so long company which I suppose he looked for as a reasonable favour, and though for my lookes I could not altogether helpe yet in some part I shewed my selfe the more strange because I would not him proseede in his intention this he tooke (as I after heard) very ill counting himselfe an unfortunate man because of this and some other crosses which he formerly had yet after he desired to com againe but my father perceiving my mind would not \as yet/ I suppose but rather sought to perswade me by those who said he would not give me that much portion if I \[had?]/ lived single as he intended to give me * that I should so be put to it yet he like a father paid me food and raiment convenient for me and somthing gave me for other my necesaries though not much and I thought my father favourable to me [he] only keeping me by that easy [task] of not having much But I was [illeg.] as I did by my [work?] which [illeg.] 6 or 9 shillings which when I had [go][tten] I could not tell how to [make] so good use of it as somtimes to give to the poore a part what I saved by working if I married. but I said I esteemed his favour above any thing I looked for at his hand, let him give me what he pleased my mind was more to me then wealth and for poverty I feared it not for I thought I had endured more then that could be. and thou gavest me that naturall skill which I had without teaching or costing my father any thing to learn that I could divers waies worke to get by as I thought to keepe mee or give me content. Now my father* gave me litle I wrot to save by and I so forcast that that letle should serve my turne for thou hast given \leerned/ me in whatsoever state I was \and/ am to be content, but my Sister was not so satisfied but was somtimes discontented through those who could wro\u/ght upon her free disposition more then mine. though I let her have as much as she needed or more then my selfe spent [different] times she would say it was long of⁷² me that my father keept her strate for my sake yet many times I was \faine/ to helpe her (and my Brother gave her) [with] [her] nescesity when she had spent otherwise and I now allowed her (my father being willing) to spend above her nescesity more then I had my selfe to doe /[besides]\ in the same [kind]. Now my sister told me betimes one morning Mr Fant was ill like to die which stroke very cold to my hart so \suddinly/ that sorrow and pitty tooke place where love did not. and though after this for he being ill and goeing to the bath fell [with the wet] and after tooke cold and died one ill accidente or other hastened his death. as it did some others which cam to me in the sam kind to whom I wished no ill neither had I reason so to doe who cam unto me for love. I only wished them so much of my owne mind that they might not have the power to love me fearing my father would as now he did they /should\ come to me which I did not desire eg. Mr Faint and [illeg.] [illeg.] and inordinate out of time and place therefore I found great comfort after this in ordering my thoughts which desired it not. and though some told me of Mr Fannts love yet I could \not tell/ how to beleeve it because I rendered not that aspect which might have gained the same. Now (in this time) I found my mind full of confusion being apressed with unesscecary /inordinate\ and immoderate cares which availed not but made me much worse interrupting me in good duties both of praier and hearing so that I could not as I should so well performe them. alsoe foolish thoughts and selfe conceat wrought to much upon mee, though it may be some might thinke I was not so much adicted to it, not delighting to set foorth and show my selfe as some others, yet I found dullnes and much inconveniance it brought to my soule, therefore I purposed to a mend this esptially a gainst such times as I received, and to /avoide\ occations of evill. yea how often hath this sister even my body intised my soule to comit spirituall fornication with her and to dote upon my owne flesh as long dressing. and too much beholding my selfe. but too often I returned to the bias of my olde waies,