she should have died. and yet for as the sufferings of Christ abound in us so our consolation aboundeth through Christ 2 cor i.v in her greatest extremity of paine \or/ and sickenes she said she had exceeding joy. which was perseved by her being more then she was able to expresse, the cause of her illnesse was said to be the mother but those things which was proper for the desease availed not neither did other sircumstances a gree with the phisitians rule for it. for he being put to his nonplus was amassed at her weeping for her as wee did many times and againe rejoyceing with her when her fitts was over. she seemed to have most comfort (of that she tooke) of cordialls complaning much of her heart saying it was as if it were suden within her. yet after a while her foode which she for the most part liked of poched eegs somtimes broths and other things she gathered som strength yet her fitts leved her not wholy. but tooke her after divers and strange maners. I be-ing most with her perceved what she aileded which she would confesse to me, which was as much in her mind. as in her body, (or both together) for her too much grife for my mothers death had she received much comfort in the practice of piety which the minister Mr [Buning] read to her of the blessed state of the ve[r]gens breed this illnesse upon her (besids other her infermities) which was now the more griveous by reason of her spirituall adversary who assalted her; and I per-ceved she delighted much in Mr Quarleses poemes which I read to her her spirits was much raised with reading to her those Bookes or places, wherein she delighted \or/ (found comfort) and though her fitts were lammentable making that dol-fell noise as if shee \were a/ I wrot me a silver coifedeparting. other times lieing that she seemed without sence and motion (onely she looked well whereby wee had hope of her life) yet I lay with \her/ being loth to be from her ether day or night (according to her owne desire) neither did it doe me any harme who \but/ "besids those that watched with her thought my selfe best with her". who knew those conflicts of mind which *for soe wee bare one anothers burthen I was then troubled with,* thought not in that extremity as my mother and sister was having more by this meanes I learned how to esteeme of waching and what letle sleep would suffice nature health and strength of body to bare it. besides I was not so good to be cast downe with my owne unworthynesse as my mother was, neither doe I remmerber that it was a bout Marriage being in the time of wooing; Those temptations which I was before a litle troubled with did so increase* upon mee which many times came suddenly. even like the arrowes of the Almighty, (and the deepth of miser\y/ upon the deepth of mercie, calling upon thee for Jesus Christs sake. as deepe calleth unto deepe by reason of the water spouts so did thy floods and thy waves passe over me \psal [48]/ I was tempted divers times in my goeing to curse God. which tentations cam so thicke that I was not able (many times) to resist for the presant. and if the better life which is [from?] God relinquish the soule with the comforts and aides of his spirit how is it posible but the soule should rellinquish the body with the offices of her life and confessing in all her powers that she knoweth not how to apply them to there severall and proper functions I can no better expresse my selfe then Mr King doth in his lectures of [Jonas] the 28 when my soule fainted within me etc ⁶² I thought I lifted up my feet against God in goinge forward and not resisting. therefore my spirits (was at a stand or) called in to resist those inward assalts and was stratened from there externall motion; This was the greater griefe to mee because many tooke notis of my standing still of a sudden*, and my frindes rebuked mee for it as a foolish tricke, for I could \not/ well tell how to make it knowne to them, but it made my complant the more before thee my God who onely knewest my /[one?]\ deepe distresse, which was most lest I should (or had) offended thee in yeelding too those assalts; thus many times I was tempted with blasphemus thoughts in my speech interrupting mee before I could bring forth a whole sentance (which troubled me) \though/ not so much as in my going. but most I was tempted in my bed though it did not much hinder me of my sleepe. yet afore I could well waken. I was tempted against thee my God with vile thoughts, which if I did not resist at the first I should be troubled so thicke that I was not able to overcome them (though I called upon thee). unlesse I k\n/eeled upon my bed and said my \morning/ praires (after my first sleepe) I many times after sleeping the more quietly and securely, somtimes I should be so tented being sleeppy before I could make a full resistance of calling upon thee (my God) that my soule groned with mee, and I streched forth some limb in