never a whit the worse, for so saying or dooing. and I was glad that she had
such comfort of my Brother as I was also of those of
those good parts and
livlinesse of spirit. which they both had above me, my only sorrow was my
selfe was no better. but my desire was and \is to/ praise thee my God for
them, and to immitate them in all \goodnesse/ in my affliction when I thought
I was cast out of thy sight. or faver which I desired above all. O that I
might have \it/ whatsoever I endured. still calling upon thee for helpe then
that
word saying
came divers times to my mind. what hast thou to doe. to take my
covenant in thy mouth seeing
[psa 2] thou hatest to be reformed
and but thou gavest
all issue to this. and \I/ said Lord thou knowest that I desire to be
reformed. therefore I tooke heart againe and called upon thee with the more
ferventnesse. and in my di\s/tresse my heart relented towards thee that thou
wouldest have compassion upon me. and I powred foorth my selfe in
I thinke of the 142. psal teares and praiers
in the Church. desireing that thou wouldest looke upon my affliction
and misery. and often I said and purposed in mine hart. if thou wouldest set
it at liberty. I would run the way of thy commandements. desiring to serve
thee better then ever, moreover I called mine \owne/ waies to remem-berance
and turned my feete unto thy testimonies: in thinking what good I had bene
failing in (or what ill I had don) I found no or litle benefit of those
sermons which hetherto I heard. because I aplied not my hart so much unto
them that I might have learnt.
I thinke of the 6 of Hosea the
3 first verses
but now I tooke care,
not only to remember first my selfe but also according to my
mothers way. I asked the maides what
they could say myselfe helping them. and also
in the afternoones and after
I used to walk abroad with [them] which I found a good
refreshing
I heard them read every one a chapter
on the sabboth dayes and those which could not read, I heard them
say there catechisme. before they receivd the Blessed Sacrament. | I found the
old catechisme to be the best for them. which is now injoyned because /I
supposed\ it is fitest they should cheefely learne according to there vow in
baptisme. the crede the Lords prayer and the ten commandements. \which too
many can hardly say/ therefore this being short and pethy besids I found was
easest for there memory. for when servants shifted often into divers parishes
one minister lea\r/nt them one. and another another. so they could say letle
or nothing when they came to a strange place of what was demanded. many of
them failing in that which was most necessary to learn.|Calling to mind the
benefit of my affliction hetherto I became more humble, I remember my
affliction and my mourning: the wormewood, and the gall,
La\m/3.19.
23 yere my soule hath them in rememberance and is humbled in me
I had the better experriance of thy power
and justice. whereby I feared thee and of thy mercy whereby
my love was increased to thee .
my faith was strengthened in thee. and both my selfe and
others \was/ bettered to serve thee. through thy love to me in still
delivering me as often as I was troubled being tempted to blasfemy \or evill/
against thee. I many \times/ thought and said. I will love thee dearly O Lord
my strenght, my faith was strengthed whereby I wondered at those foollish who
thinke there is no God, for I was so well grounded that there was through
these temta-tions that
for I thought if the devill
did not envy my happines why am I thus
I thought I should never be moved. to the contrary
but
should be more strengthened for \it/ hereafter. for I feelt the goodnesse of
God according to the word of truth. for whom if I fell I was apt to all
wickednesse. whereby I perceived my owne destruction. (would follow) and I
found the Devills envy and ma[ll]ice of my hapinesse
God is the [h]ealth [both]
of body and [soule] and the [devill] is the [hater?] of both
then thought I God is \the/ giver
giver and maintaner of our welbeing and everlasting happines. who
doth love us: but the devill is the destroier and bane of us tempting us to
evill because he hateth us. therefore let me \us/ love and cleave unto thee
since I have thought of John [10.10]
Lord who art our health, and life,